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First, I apologize for being a neglectful friend. I have not called most of you in about 1-2 months time and its killing me with guilt. I love you all dearly, and I know that you know that, but I have to say it anyway. ALL of you. This weekend I am going to be making ALOT of phone calls to all of you-trust me!
But there is something I must say about my school. I'm lucky-i've made two friends already and im really excited about that. But for the last 2 and a half months I have gotten 2-3hours of sleep a night, and then I get up and go to classes that are 3-6 hours, come home, don't even eat most of the time, and work from 4 pm until 3-4 am non-stop. I'm not kidding. Parsons PRIDES itself on the fact that it kills us like this.
Now most of you might say "well big fuckin deal stop bitching!" and I TOTALLY don't like the way I sound either. But now i'm so sleep deprived im walking into walls. I have about 45-54 hours of homework a week-and im teaching myself HTML,CSS, Photoshop, Illustrator, and Adobe Flash on top of it so I can meet the requirements of a graduate student project that I was given on the first day of one of my classes. And that is for one class. I have been sick 4 times in 2 months and even was counted absent 3 times because I was 20 minutes late to a 3 hours class because I was violently ill at the EXACT time I had to leave for class. And if I miss another class session for that class, I will fail, because parsons attendance policy is very high school like that.
I really really REALLY don't want to complain. That is not my intent. But after my drawing teacher actually commanded me to miss her class next week only if I PROMISE to sleep till noon and then do the rest of my work and extra tutorials and programming, i've realized my life has reached, in the words of Bonnani "Amazing sadness." Maybe that was a little self pitying but it has a truth to it.
So I apologize for being so self centered and neglectful. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! and saturday i'm taking the day off and calling people. After 2 pm my time.
Thank you if you read this far, and for all of you who have volunteered thier houses and time and transportation for me at christmas. When my mom makes up her FUCKING mind, I can get back to you. I LOVE YOU ONCE AGAIN!
1. Triangles cannot overlap
2. All compositions must be based around four equilateral squares
3. No black triangle may completely border another black triangle unless to replicate a specific pattern
4. All pieces must contain at least 5 different sized triangles
5. All four corners of the composition must be touched by a triangle
Have you ever wanted to run until you couldn't run anymore, until weariness raks your body, drawing exasperated and ragged breaths with each inhale in? Until every breath reminds you of just how alive you are.
After a while, the city quiets, and all you can hear is the pounding of your thoughts in your ears. The laughter and noise and beeping an honking fades till you become deaf to the noise around you and you really begin to see. Whether an illusion or not, real or make-believe, the images in front of you pass like a motion picture lost in time. You become disconnect and alone, in a sea of 8 million you stand alone.
I wonder what it would take for me to remember the joy I had for coming here. Remember how excited I was about art school and how amazing I built it up in my mind. How awesome and crazy the people would be, and how much I would feel alive. Because I can't remember it anymore. Everything I hoped for and dreamed about happening in college is gone, and all I feel is emptiness. I haven't laughed or smiled in weeks. All I want to do is cry, or wake up and realize im in the environment I wanted to be in. You know, my drawing teacher (who must be about 60) was recounting her days in art school in pennsylvania and she said "I'll never forget my first day of drawing class. After all the meaningless classes I took in high school and all the hard work I put into it, I was finally exactly where I wanted to be." That really hit home for me. All I wanted to do was scream "I know what you mean! Except that feeling I thought that i would get from art school I haven't. I feel stifled, cold, and empty. I don't feel creative at all-I feel silenced. And most people have been snobby and stuck-up and clique-y like in high school. So gone are the open and passionate people I thought I would be going to school with.
I have the vision of myself sitting in my backyard when I was 13. I had just read Paradise kiss for the first time, and I couldn't believe what I had read. I was talking so animately to my sister about it-I just couldn't believe places like art school existed! And in high school, when thinking about art school, all I could feel was excitment.
I ask you, where is the excitment now?
- Mood:
crushed - Music:Never too Late
College is sucking REALLY bad right now:( I have a week and a half of frickin orientation, and i've been here 5 days and all I want to do is go back home. I have homesickness in the worst worst WORST way. I miss my twin sister more than words can say. I ALWAYS have to do this huh? I ALWAYS have to choose to move ACROSS the frickin country, and then I do this to myself. On top of that, my family isn't here, and more importantly, my sister isn't here, who I miss more than anything. I feel like all I do is hold back tears and wish that I had a comfort zone again. Its only been two years! ok I know I sound unrealistic...but still. and I know everyone goes through this and its only natural, but it feels like it'll never get better. Its so strange to feel like this-me, whose moved cross country 4 times now. I just miss everything so very very much.
I wish I could go back to the way things were in CA, but I know I can't. This city is so big, I feel like i'll disspear
- Location:My dorm
- Mood: disappointed
Which reminds me...there were so many things I wanted to do before I left: create and ACTUALLY good legacy family on the Sims2; load all my music into my library on the computer; divide up the anime; tell everyone around me how much I love them. Well, ::sigh:: at least I have 2 days left...and then I leave. For months. Its so weird. I REALLY wish this had been a better summer for art (as those of you know who check out my deviantart accound:) ) But alas it wasnt.
You may not hear from me for a while, as usual. Who will know where i'll be when I next write. All I know is that im at the beginning of a journey, and im frightened and exhilarated simultaneously. Where will I be bourne away to next?
- Mood:
pensive - Music:Listen to Your Heart from DHT
Your Element Is Air |
 You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that! |
Your Birthdate: June 19 |
 You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October |
- Mood:
cheerful - Music:Face Down from The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
So, its about 2:30 in the morning, and I cant sleep. This is beginning to be like when I was a child, when I couldn't go to sleep for about 3 to 4 hours after I went to bed. Whats weird is right now im on codine, so I should be sleeping:( I wanted to sleep! I might have to babysit tommorrow, and clean. Alot. Apparently for my mom two days after surgery is it! I should be loads better. Ha. If only, although im kinda enjoying being without responsibility.
I was reminded of a dream I had last night. Most of you might know, and some may not, that I never dream anything positive-which I am told is quite contrary to my personality. I'm also a lucid dreamer, so this actually helps tremendously when faced with my ultimate fears on a regular basis. However, I thought I might encript this dream, cuz it was highly interesting. I was being chased by orcs, up the side of a hill which resembeled the plains of Rohan (for those Tolkien fanatics like me, you know what I mean, and for those who are normal human beings, Rohan is open dry-grass plains admist rolling hills). I remember being on a particular hill, with dark long brown hair billowing around me, and I knew I was safe somehow, even with all the orcs. But strangely enough, I felt like I had to say something, so I bent down and touched my right hand to the ground, which began to feel very hot. Then I spoke only this:
Powers of the dark and light
Listen and hear my plight
Where tall mountains rise and raging rivers meet
Therein lies your greatest defeat
Then I turned and gazed at the sun, smiled, closed my eyes and woke. I wonder what it means.
- Mood:
awake - Music:Godsmack/Disturbed remix that Charlie from Geology sent me
Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence |
 You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator. |
Arty Kid |
 Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique. You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented! |
You are a Lavender Rose |
 You represent love at first sight and enchantment. Your vibe: intense and intriguing Falling in love with you is: deep and meaningful |
Your Psyche is Blue |
 You are deeply emotional and very connected to everything (and everyone) around you. By simply understanding other people, you are able to help them heal and let go. While you are a very deep and thoughtful person, you do have a very silly, superficial side. When you are too blue: the weight of the world's problems hangs over you When you don't have enough blue: you lack perspective and understanding |
Your Scent is Pumpkin Pie |
 Warm, comforting, and a bit old fashioned You've got what men want - believe it or not! |
Your Political Profile: |
 Overall: 35% Conservative, 65% Liberal Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal |
You Are Midnight |
 You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends. |
Your Travel Personality Is: The Adventurer |
 For you, travel is how you learn about the world. And you like to learn the stuff that's not in guidebooks. You truly have wanderlust. When you're not traveling, you're dreaming about where you'll go next. And your travels are truly legendary - they leave you with stories you'll be telling for the rest of your life! |
You are a Self-Discoverer |
 You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality. Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine. You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion. You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans. |
- Mood:
curious - Music:Blurry by Puddle of Mudd
What Your Soul Really Looks Like |
 You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true. Your near future is in a very different place (both physically and mentally) from where you are right now. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust. |
Okaaayy...so not that i've ever been a frail sort of individual...at all (in fact, some more feminine qualties might be a little more endearing-and I don't count not being able to eat cream one^_^), but yesterday I almost fainted. Apparently codine affects me differently than it did a few years ago. I've been on Tylenol pm with codine since the operation but its a six hour medicine, and the codine doesn't kick in until two hours after i've taken it. Yeah. So I was in the shower, and all of a sudden I felt a little woozy, so I decided I had to finish a little early. So I tilted my head back to rinse the conditioner out of my hair, when suddenly I stood up and opened my eyes. It looked like when you have static on the tv-like everything was pixelated and grainy-and i was VERY dizzy and nauseous. That's when my mind said it probably wouldn't be the best idea to be in a porcelain-cased environment right now, so as I turned to lift my leg over the tub to get out it felt like a ton of bricks was attached to each of my limbs. I managed to stumble out and grab onto the counter, wobbling as I was trying to stand, and managed to say really quietly "Dani".
I don't know how she heard me with the water running but she came in, threw a towel over me, and coaxed me to sit. It took tremendous effort to move, all the while the pixelation and nausea hadn't gone away, and my head rolled from side to side as I said "get. mom." She then came in and told me to put my head between my knees and bend over if I was fainting. It helped, and when I opened my eyes again the room stopped spinning. YEAH! Mom was like "no more codine today" which pisses me off because I can actually sleep when it's there, and it takes the sharpness and ache away from my chest, but I agreed. Then I got to spend the rest of the day playing The Sims2 Seasons and watching Cardcaptor Sakura (Japanese version all the way^_^_^_^. Dani bought the ENTIRE series-all 70 something episodes) so the last two days has been AWESOME. But yeah. I thought i'd share.
Oh yeah! For those of you who don't know I have a deviantart account! http://ladyshmi.deviantart.com/ go visit even though I haven't updated in like two months! BUT SOON! just as soon as I feel better. My famous ostrich is there (I dont know why everyone likes it so much...but yeah. It's now my symbol apparently).
Ja!
- Location:My Room
- Mood:
blah - Music:Everything you Want by Vertical Horizon
Ok AP test-takers everywhere, listen to this. While College Board, as we all know, is still the route of all evil ( ^_^), they actually took the time to reply to my concerns! My revenge is complete :) Here's what they said (btw, I typed a SUPER nice email back, which is included, and I'm glad they gave me money, cuz its going to cost 60 dollars to repair my canvas as it is! But seriously, this email was altogether surprising)
Dear Ms. Dooley,
I am writing in response to your E-mail regarding your Advanced Placement examination - AP Studio Art. Please accept my apologies for the delay in responding to your complaint in an appropriate fashion, and for the damage your portfolio sustained while in transit to you
I am sorry you feel ETS does not respect our test taker's effort, or that we do not take our AP students seriously. On the contrary, ETS as an organization has the utmost respect for the time, effort, creativity, and energy of each of our test takers, for all of our various programs. We realize that testing in any form, be it paper-and-pencil exams, computerized testing, or through evaluation of artwork, is in itself a stressful experience for test takers and all who are involved with the test taking process.
Each candidates' artwork is priceless. ETS makes every effort to avoid loss or damage to materials when they are being evaluated or when they are in transit. However, accidents do happen. It is certainly regrettable that your materials were damaged while they were in transit on their way back to you. Again, I apologize for the inconvenience and the stress this situation has caused you.
I have forwarded your concerns about packaging materials and our scoring system to our Advanced Placement Program Direction department, as they are valid concerns that should be taken into consideration for future examinations. Thank you for sharing your concerns with us. Comments from test takers are always welcomed and are taken seriously in our effort to maintain the highest standards of quality for our tests and testing services.
As a courtesy, I have issued you a check for $100 as compensation for the materials that you used to prepare your artwork. The check will be mailed to the address listed in your AP profile and will arrive in approximately 8-12 weeks. I am aware that money cannot compensate you for the time, energy, heart, and soul placed into assembling your portfolio. However, I hope this reimbursement will be of assistance to you with future pieces of artwork.
If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me directly. My contact information can be found below.
I wish you every success in your future professional endeavors.
Sincerely,
Katie Walczak
Here was my reply:
On another note, my operation went well. I had to get something removed from my chests (not cancerous, but if I kept it they'd still have to monitor it). Now im just waiting for the codine to kick in and stop the soreness and watching Cardcaptor Sakura. Alot. THat and disney movies are the best when you are sick.
THanks!
- Location:My mind
- Mood:
but high on codine
Today is a special day, and not just because its my friend's birthday^_^ Today all the students across the country who have ever stressed or agonized at the expense of the college board shall be avenged. Just read this letter I wrote them-you'll soon find out why! ::rubs hands together with maniacal laughter:: Revenge is sweet. They have 48 hours to respond. Wonder what they will say? ^_6
- Location:My room
- Mood:
devious - Music:The River- Good Charlotte
Okay, thank you all who still check my journal, because it's been almost two months since I last updated. Okay, big news and lots of it, so stay tuned.
First, I just made the most difficult decision of my life-where to go to college. I am and ever shall be extremely blessed-why? Cause I got into EVERY art school I applied to! I'm sorry if this sounds like im bragging-I really really really DON"t want to, but it's just im so proud! Massart, RISD, SCAD, Academy of Art and Parsons all wanted me! ME! I really really really didn't see this coming! AND IM SO PROUD! But...........along with this came my decision. big big BIG one that cause me not to able to eat anything and keep it down for almost two weeks after spring break, many sleepless nights, and just general plague (locusts and all...jk^_^). Well, you know how they say you visit a campus and you just know you wanna go there? YEah...that never happened for me. Maybe i'm jsut to adaptable. I could see myself going to any of them, and possibly being happy. Well, I won't bore you with the agonies or the details. So I chose the school that had the best program for me...and now I can say online, to all of you listening,...
Im going to Parsons School of Design in NYC!
Yes im going to be on the same coast as many of you, and im really really excited! But I will miss California, IMMENSLY! Hopefully manhattan will make it worth it:) YOu all certainly do:)
Oh bad news....REALLy bad news. But I deserved it. Today after school I had all my artwork with me in my stuffed full portfolio, and it had all been shot for AP portfolio, so I was taking it home. Well, everyone wanted to see it, so I opened the portfolio and showed a few of my favorite pieces. I shouldn't have-it was immodest, and now im paying the consequences for my selfishness and vanity. I showed one of my favorite pieces-a watercolor of three red peppers in a row-I love the lighting^_^ Well as I slipped it back into the slot I put it in in my portfolio, three boys about a yard off or so threw an open waterbottle, and some of the water spilled onto my painting. Now I don't know if you know this, but when watercolor is exposed to any sort of water even if it is dry it'll smear and run down the paper. And I screamed "NO NO NONONONONONO" ...but the colors wouldn't slow down (I knew they wouldn't but it was worth a shot) I blotted as much as I could, but the third of the three peppers is ruined. But it;s my fault. I shouldn't have been so vain and arrogant as to go showing my artwork in such an unprotected setting. I'm mad at no one but my self.
So where are you all going to school?
- Mood: okay
- Music:Everything you want by Vertical Horizon
QUICK UPDATE! I didn't get into UC (University of California...like Berkeley and UCLA and such....they are like IVY league education at 22,000 a year-room and board and tuition!). The hardest are Berkeley and UCLA, and then Davis, Irvine, and San Diego, but following close behind is Santa Barbara. Then there is Santa Cruz and then Riverside and finally Merced, which just opened last year. I only applied to Santa Cruz and Santa Barbara because they had great art programs(UCLA too, but they needed prior experience with the programs for digital animation, which I don't have. Plus they have like 17% acceptance rate, so no chance for me!). I got into Santa Cruz, but not Santa Barbara.
Oh well! So far I;ve heard back from 8 schools and only one rejection letter! And trust me, the art schools were just as hard to get into as these UCs! So im very proud of myself for once!^_^
Now to hear back from RISD and SCAD and I'll be golden!
Oh and btw, my friends out here are trying to break me of apologizing (yeah right like that can happen!) so they dared me to go a whole class period without apologizing and then they'll buy me starbucks. And I couldn't do it yesterday, but today I did! YAY!
HERE I COME VENTI CARAMEL FRAPPUCHINO!!!!!
- Mood: thankful
- Music:From Yesterday (music video) by 30 seconds to Mars
Out of the 10 schools I applied to, I have heard from and gotten into:
1) San Diego State
2) San Jose State
3) University of Oregon
4) Academy of Art University...
and ... (I can't believe it!)
MASSACHUSETTS COLLEGE OF ART
(and I can't believe I pulled this one off!!!!)
PARSONS SCHOOL OF DESIGN!!!!!!!!! OMFG!
I just can't believe I did it! A school as hard to get into as RISD (33% accepting rate!)....now I must visit!
I still have to hear back from RISD, SCAD, and the two UCs I applied to...BUT IM ACTUALLY PROUD OF MYSELF FOR ONCE!
YAY^_^
Love you all
- Location:CLOUD NINE BABY!
- Mood: excited
- Music:Diary of Jane, Breaking Benjamin
I bring good news and well...interesting news.
Interesting first! oK! THERE WAS A 4.3 EARTHQUAKE WITH A 2.8 AFTERSHOCK...and get this...ITS EPICENTER WAS THE EXACT COORDINATES OF MY TOWN. Which means I felt the whole thing! It happened at about 8:40 last night. I had...well...lost something really really important to me, and I was sitting at the computer desk in the guest room with my head in my hands saying "but i'm so responsible, how could something so special and important get lost God? Do you hate me or something?" out loud, when RIGHT afterwards the floor began to feel hollow, like you were standing on top of a rubber ball and it was moving a little under you. Then I could feel the house move forward and back slightly and the walls and ceiling fan started shaking a bit. I was poised, wondering if I should get under my desk or stay where I was-let me tell you, you could walk around in this kind of earthquake fairly ok-the extent of the damage were that a couple store windows shattered and all the cereal boxes in the food store fell off the shelves. Yeah. Not even a 5 pointer. It was weird. I thought God was actually answering me or something because of the timing^_^ ,,,,and maybe he did because.....
TODAY WAS THE BBBEEEESSSTT day EVVVVVVVVEEEEEEER!! First off, I don't have to work my ass off for the next three months and go to some stupid international economic summit in San Francisco because my class didn't get selected to go!!! I FEEL LIKE JUMPING FOR JOY!!!!!!! This thing would have been mountains of work-especially because my teacher was going to pair me with the slackers to be an "inspiration" to them. Yeah. When has THAT worked? All it would mean is I would do the work of FOUR people instead of one! And this is from the man that criticized my power point presentation that I stayed up until three in the morning making myself becasue my other gorup members decided to get high by saying it had too much information. Yeah. The nerve! Sorry but it just is really cruel and unfair to do that to someone who got two and a half hours of sleep because some people can't pull thier own weight! ...sorry for complaining! I know, I sound like a bitch:(
Anyway, then he gave us a pop quiz which, for the first time in MANY years, I blanked on (probably out of happiness that I just bypassed a ton of work), and then he said it didn't count! AND! I was sitting in study hall telling everyone how awesome my day was, and then I went to print something off on the computer, and I heard back from Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD) saying my resubmitted statement of purpose was satisfactory and that I would hear back from them in 2-4 weeks on whether I got in or not! YAY! THose ...well...PEOPLE made me resubmit an new college essay in 5 days because they claimed my first one didn't answer thier question. EYah.. And then when I resubmitted it twice last week they NEVER told me if they got it or not. And their deadline is monday. SO I had to call the school three times until I finally got my counselor on the phone. Making illegal phone calls in school isn't really something I wanted to do. BUT EVERYTHING IS OK NOW!!!!!!!!
Now this weekend im missing a baby shower for my friend's mom, my friend's birthday, and a movie tonight so I can finish building a model of the lighthouse I designed. Yeah. I LOVE POWER TOOLS THOUGH!!! wood working is so much fun! I love building things!
- Location:Cloud Nine
- Mood: ecstatic
- Music:Du Hast by Rammstein
OOK peoples! I'm still really really REALLLLY excited I have my own art website! I just loaded a smattering of my artwork, so go view it! Because it's on the web now! ^_^ I feel special
Oh and btw, Reno 911 is helluv funny! It's just a little slow, but funny^_^ so go see it and my artwork now! Even though my artwork isn't that good, I'm still under the cloud of "OMG art of mine that people might be able to see...weird!"!
hmmm....I wanna go design some really cool graffiti-like design, spray a huge canvas like a wall, and make my own portable/transitional graffiti art! YAY!
GOd I need to go paint something vigorously!
-Lady Shmi (Bookwyrm you know! that nickname^_^)
- Location:My head!
- Mood:
artistic - Music:Dragula by Rob Zombie
